I Wanna Be a Spaceman

Not a particularly early rise today and we head to Federation Square for brunch. We stop at the 'installation' on the corner. The 'Eco-Cafe'. It's a fully functional experiment in making a cafe/bar as environmentally responsible as possible.


A simple construction of recycled wood lined with straw. Tables made from recycled wood, chairs from recycled roadsigns, glass jars for mugs etc.
A good idea, considering how wasteful the hospitality industry can be.

I realise that I haven't bought a t-shirt in almost a year so we head to Victoria Markets for a look round. No joy.

A bit more wandering, stopping off at Hosier Lane to view the excellent graffiti on show.





Then down to Chinatown for a chaotic meal before having an early night. The taxi picks us up at rude o'clock tomorrow morning.

I almost forgot to mention that on the way to Chinatown we come across the cheesy hilarity of the 'Sonic Manipulator', busking alter-ego of artist, musician, inventor Claude Alan Woodward. Wrapped in a bacofoil suit, trimmed with rope lights and armed to the teeth will all manner of 'theramine', effects pedals and sonic trickery, I don't think I can explain how funny this was and maybe it was a 'you had to be there' moment, but a visit to his website will help. http://www.sonicmanipulator.com/

The Martians are Here

Heath Robinson Sculpture

Of all the cities we've been to in Australia, leaving Melbourne is the hardest. The place has a buzz about it and ticks all the buttons whether you like high art, street art, sport, food, drink, walking or whatever.

Fitted Up Like Kippers

View from Rialto Towers

It's time for a bit more activity today so we walk into town and head for the Rialto Towers to get a bit of perspective on the city.
Although at 253m high it's only Melbourne's second highest building, the thought of the glass floor in the Eureka Skydeck is just a bit much before breakfast.

Romantic Architecture

We wander for a bit deciding what we want for breakfast. Melbourne is just a top notch city for eating in, there's thousands of restaurants, cafes, bars and every type of cuisine you can think of.
But in this instance the outdoor crepe bar wins, a decision which is helped along by the fact that they're playing Manu Chao on their stereo.

After brekkie we spend a good few hours wandering around the city and hopping on and off of the tram.

Then we decide to go to jail.

Initially we just want to wander round Melbourne's old Gaol at our own pace, but the guide suggests that we take the 'tour'. And although a bit wary, we do.
From the moment that the Sergeant opens the Gaol Doors, brings you in one at a time and gives you a charge sheet, you start to get an impression of what life was really like in this place when it was active.
The role playing element is very lightly used, but the tour guide is an actual police officer who plays his part pretty convincingly.

We all knew it would happen sooner or later

We are filed into the charge room, spared the cavity search, then marched into the jail where our hands and feet are checked for contraband. We are then taken into an actual cell and locked in darkness for 3 minutes.
Even though there are about 8 of us in a cell it's still quite an eery experience with an audio background of deranged mumblings and threatening jibes.

Happiness is a padded cell

When you gotta go.....

It may not sound like it, but this was a lot of fun, and a better experience than just wandering around a disused building.

After we are freed we then wander round the older Gaol which was where Ned Kelly was hung (hanged?).

Then down to the beer cafe at Federation Square.

We're hungry from jail so it's down to the South Bank of the Yarra and some Turkish tapas (meze) at Kouzina.

South Again

We arrive in Melbourne in early afternoon and get an extremely informative and amusing shuttle bus to the hotel. It's good to be back in the leafy city and experiencing comfortable temperatures again.

After checking in we wander into town. Melbourne is one of those cities which you can just wander around, sit down and watch the people go by. I think I've mentioned before that it doesn't have Sydney's geography, but this just seems to have given it the impetus to make itself that much more easy to live in. It has a very human scale. And it also has an integrated transport infrastructure. The city circle tram is free and the ideal way to get your bearings as a tourist.

This is a take it easy kind of day, so we do.

The Melbourne Supremacy?

The seaside suburb of St. Kilda is our main stop today. It's famous for it's shabby chic, and at first sight it lives up to this. However, after wandering through the place for about an hour, I'm not sure where the chic bit comes in. It comes across like an antipodean Brighton in off-season.

Mandy remarks that it would be a good place to film 'Sean of the Dead II', and it's hard to disagree. There are a lot of seniors here, who appear to need some serious looking after, loads of jakies and more stoners and pillheads than you can shake a methylated stick at. So its back uptown we go to sip some amber nectar in Federation square, watch the sun go down and wait for the shuttle bus to the airport.

Debate rages on about whether Sydney beats Melbourne. But, to be honest, its pretty hard to compare them. Melbourne doesn't have the sheer geographical beauty of Sydney, but it seems to make up for it with its vibrancy and a sort of European air with its focus on eating, drinking and shopping. All of which are abundantly catered for. Both cities are easy to get about, and very easy on the senses as well. If you want sport, Melbourne is the clear winner being the home of cricket, AFL, tennis, formula one and the Melbourne Cup. And gig-wise it wins as well, unless all you are interested in is stadium rock.

Architecturally it's more varied, but Sydney holds the trump card in this respect with the Opera House. And if it's all about location, then Sydney wins here too.

So, in the interests of neutrality, and not offending the few friends I have in Australia, all of whom live in Sydney, I'll stay firmly on the fence.

The Melbourne Identity (part 2)

Mandy suggests heading up to Lygon Street, home of some of Australia's most famous Italian restaurants, but we're not quite hungry yet so we stop for some refreshments at the James Squire Brewhouse.


It's pleasant enough but they're not serving 'Pipsqueak' Cider, which is one of the few ciders we've found in Oz, beyond Strongbow and Magners. Sitting outside enjoying the sunset we're slightly distracted by some pillhead barfin up about 3 pints of liquid not 10 feet away from us. Her boyfriend's diagnosis is that its the fizzy juice they drank cos its not settlin with him either. 'Hmmm' we think.

Lygon Street is bustling but we're a bit more immune to the food touts, although we eventually submit and park ourselves outside the, erm, who knows what it's called, there are loads of them and not always easy to tell them apart.

Mandy makes quick friends with one of the owners, brought together by their professions and a love of Mr. Ramsay.

Day 2 - The Melbourne Identity (part 1)

After coffee and brekkie we head down to Federation Square to get our bearings.

After consulting the 'lonely planet' we decide to head to the Botanic Gardens just south of the Yarra river. It's a perfect day for walking and these are supposed to be some of the best in the world.

We stop at the War Memorial, called the 'Shrine', a neat mix of respectful neo-classical and playfully modern architecture.

It also serves as an excellent place to view the city centre from. And laugh at the hordes of lunchtime joggers, whilst trying not to get run over by them.

From here we head in to the gardens themselves and spend a good amount of time just wandering about. The difference between botanic gardens here and at home is the lack of huge 'hot houses', of course they're not quite as necessary here. And the gardens are very nice. Lots of meandering paths, and tucked away little ponds and lakes to sit beside and contemplate the skyscrapers in the background.

Fern Gully is a particularly nice little 'prehistoric' meander.

We take a circuitous route back from the gardens and end up on the 'South Bank' of the Yarra river. It's lined with a variety of restaurants and coffee houses, so we grab a well-deserved coffee and some cheesecake. Mandy feeds the sparrows and discourages the seagulls.
From here it's back up to the city centre for more meandering.

Melbourne Day 1

We arrive in Melbourne about 8pm and get the shuttle bus from Avalon airport to the city and head for the hotel.

The hotel is okay, not great, but we're only really after a place to crash, and it's handily located in Chinatown, which is pretty much dead centre of the city.

This also means that we have ample opportunity for grabbing some sustenance as well. Melbourne is noted for its foodie delights, and first of all we check out a small laneway which is packed with restaurants and has mellow 'jazz' playing live, to add to the ambience.

Didn't reckon on the restaurant 'touts' though. After travelling, even as short as it was, all we wanted was to amble past, peruse some menus and sit and eat. Comeptition is obviously tough in Melbourne though, as every restaurant has someone standing outside waiting to reel you in as you pass. Nothing worse when you're trying to read a menu and someone's hovering at your back.

My awkward Ayrshire gene kicks in and their efforts fail miserably as we decide to just brush past them all and go somewhere else instead.

They were less present in Chinatown, so we wandered up and down and got seated in a bustling little place about four doors from the hotel.