Taswegian Times

As Perth is quite far out of the way we head down to Tasmania for a week. It's only a 40 minute flight from Melbourne to Hobart so we're in at around 8.30am.

There is always a part of your brain which struggles to come to terms with travelling. Some small piece just can't quite come to terms with new surroundings and desperately searches for familiarity.

Sometimes you think you see a familiar face from back home, and sometimes it's just the vibe.

And so it is, when we arrive in Tasmania, that my brain convinces me that we're in New Zealand. And though this feeling shrinks as the days pass it never fully leaves.

I have to watch what I'm saying as people are as proud (or parochial) here as anywhere else.

The shuttle bus drops us off at the Tourist Information office as it's too early to check in to our hotel. We heave our bags into the office and I ask the 'mis-information' officer for distance and directions to the hotel.

He is aware of the weight of our baggage, he is also aware of the geography of Hobart. I am aware of only one of these facts. He does not, however, put these two facts together and tells me that it is an easy 10 minute walk to the hotel.

And so after struggling up a 45 degree slope for 40 minutes we arrive at our hotel. Luckily enough our room is ready.

The Mayfair on Cavell is a quirky (not in a bad way) place. Our room is full of retro furniture from the 50's till the present day, all fully functional. It's not some tacky attempt at retro chic, nor has it just not been updated, but manages to blend a feeling of homeliness with it's quirkiness.

If you like minimalism, it's not for you.

Stick or Twist

It's that time in the adventure when it comes to making big decisions.

Should we go or should we stay?

So maybe it's time to look back first of all and review things.

It's a big file so apologies in advance.



Of course there is the other option -

Blue tongues in the Hunter Valley

We decided to explore a bit north of Sydney for a change. Mandy suggested the Hunter Valley. I wasn't too keen, I mean it's only a world class wine growing region and cheese producer. Hmmm.

2 and a half hours from Sydney is the Hunter's main town of Cessnock, there wasn't a lot happening there so we went to the info centre and decided that we'd spend the night at the Hunter Valley Resort. Two major boxes were ticked with this decision, firstly the resort is built around the Blue Tongue micro-brewery, home of several tasty beers and alcoholic ginger beer, which is Mandy's choice in lieu of any significant cider production.

We have a few of each and a few games of pool. No need to mention who wins. Then we go eat in the restaurant and spend far too much on wine, and definitely too much on the meal which was average at best.

This produced a nice batch of indigestion for me which didn't help me sleep so I got up early to take a walk and some photos.




We then went for breakfast, or at least we tried to. We sat in the restaurant for fully 10 minutes without anyone acknowledging our existence or giving us some kind of idea what was happening. There were a total of 2 other people in the restaurant, and they had both been served. So, being a pit peeved, in desperate need of sustenance and anti-oxidants we left.

We had spotted an 'Irish Pub' on the way up and thought that would be a sure thing as far as brekkie was concerned, and the signs were good quite literally. 'Brekkie Here' they said with big arrows pointing towards the restaurant. Brekkie was finished, it was half-ten. The barmaid exited the other door and changed the signs before we got out.

Luckily enough though our prayers were answered several times with a massive full cooked breakfast just a bit down the road.

We then trundled down the road along the coast.

Downtown Up High

Mandy's sister Andrea came over from Perth for a few days. We had a quiet day on Monday and on Tuesday, Gareth came down and picked us up to take us over to Palm Beach and give Andrea his patented guided tour of the peninsula.




On Wednesday we took the ferry over from Manly to Circular Quay to meet up with an old work colleague of Andrea's. We headed up the Sky Tower to get an excellent 360 degree view of the city.

It was a really warm day so we spent most of it in the shade of the Opera House with a bottle of wine. Later on we had dinner at 'The East' (again). And afterwards headed up to the 'Rocks' before catching the late ferry back to Manly.

Addicted To Baud - Or How I Came to Hate Telecomms Companies Even More

So this is my first and hopefully final rant about living in paradise. Firstly I should qualify everything I say from here on in by stating that I am an addict. I am hopelessly addicted to the internet, and, as with all addictions, I only realise how bad things are when I'm denied my daily fix. I do realise that sitting in a room manipulating pixels on a screen is not fully compatible with the Northern Beaches lifestyle, even less so in the middle of the summer holidays. Combine this with a hopeless sense of idealism about what is after all just a means to an end, and problems arise.

However, not all of my ire is self-inflicted.

All I want is an internet connection. A reasonable speed, unlimited access at a reasonable price. Australia is remote on a world scale, but not a developing country, and I am living in the most populated part of it. So, you'd think, a decent internet service is not unreasonable. Hmmm...

During my research I found that dial up is still commonplace, this should have rung alram bells, but I persisted.
I then found that cable and ADSL are widespread, at speeds of up to 20mb. Cable isn't available in my area so that focussed me on ADSL.
ADSL of course requires a home phone line, in this case from Telstra. Further research uncovered frightening parallels to BT.
However, wireless is a very strong contender, but there are problems here too.


So here's the 'skinny':

ADSL was limited to BigPond (Telstra's broadband offshoot) - prices start at $29.95 per month for a feeble 256Kbps service (basically like ISDN) and an anaemic download/upload limit of 200mb per month. Thereafter a charge of 15c for every Mb is inflicted. And you also have the added bonus of a $30 per month for the line rental and a white (plastic) elephant of a home phone.

Bigpond also do wireless but it's hideously expensive. For a 15gb download limit and 'whopping' theoretical speeds of 7Mbps it costs $99 per month, oh! and you have to pay $299 for a modem, unless you sign up for 2 years.

'3', Vodafone and Virgin all do broadband services through the 3G mobile service, this provides a 3Mbps connection (in ideal circumstances) but it is available almost everywhere.

Both Vodafone and Virgin want 2 year contracts so that was out. Leaving me with '3', who offer a 1gb limit for $29 a month and 5gb for $99 a month, and 10c for every Mb thereafter. Christ. I'm confused. I really need to talk face to face with someone about all this.

Okay, needs must, I'm already not happy about this limited use thingy, but I do need a connection, so I brave Warringah Mall on Hogmanay and enquire in the various comms shops about what they can offer.

'3' seems to win so I return a couple of days later armed with my new Australian bank account details, passport, driving licence, tenancy agreement, inland revenue statement from the UK and every other scrap of paper I can find to prove I'm not an international conman.

The tenancy agreement, for some reason, is no proof of where I live (huh?), however, a combination of everything else seems to work. I sit with the very helpful but inexperienced assistant and fill out the credit check online. After 15 minutes of establishing that I am who I am, live where I live, and earn what I earn, I am declined. No explanation. No help. So, that leaves me with the option of putting it through Mandy's name. Which will have to wait until her anti-social working hours permit.

2 days later I return, armed with my girlfriend who is, to all intents, an Australian citizen for the next 4 years. The tenancy agreement rears its useless head again and, under advisement from the less experienced and less useful member of staff, we have to go to the nearest Westpac branch and get a stamped statement from them as proof of address. We return to the '3' shop waiving our proof of address like Neville Chamberlain, and, as I'm sure you've all predicted, it is just as useless. I can barely hold my own resentment back, but combine that with Mandy's considerably more potent venom and I fear that the name '3' might indicate another war.

It appears that the UK government, the Australian Immigration service, Australia's second largest bank, Australia's largest energy supplier, the DVLA and the Inland Revenue are not good enough references for these muppets.

So now we are both fizzin. We can wait to receive utility bills and I can try and sustain my businesses using the local library's free service for the next month, or I can sell off my ideals and sign up with Bigpond. And. of course, they will probably require 5 generations of my family to be present when I sign the contract, as well as Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the bloody donkey.

I take a punt, and with eyes pleading heavenwards head into the Bigpond shop and ask the assistant whether DNA samples will be required to sign up. 'Almost nothing' he says. I am understandably cynical. But, it appears, we have crossed the Rubicon. I do have to sign up for a home phone and, all in all, it will cost $89 per month for a 1.5Mbps ADSL line. 3 months free though. And a 15gb limit. I almost feel grateful.

I know why the situation here is so backward. It has nothing to do with geography, it's all about will. The parallels between Telstra and BT are spooky. Privatised national dinosaurs holding onto their monopolies till the end. They think it's for their own good, but ultimately it's everyone's expense. Economies suffer. The remoter you are the more you have to gain with the internet. It's not a privilege any more, it's a right.

But none of this can help the staff in the '3' shop, Warringah Mall.

It seems that on the 'Insular Peninsula', crystal-methamphetamine is easier to get than a decent broadband connection.

I am sorely tempted.........

P.S.: I have recently found out that Australia's internet service and telecomms system has been recognised as the worst in the 'developed world'. I am also finding out that the parallels between Thatcher's government and Howard's government are frightening. I'm hoping that 'Kevin 07' takes some inspiration from Blair '97, with regards to communications.

Things can only get better.

P.P.S.: I finally received an internet connection on the 23rd of January. My mind has thankfully began the process of recovery and started to erase a lot of the details. All of the above, it turns out, was only the start of a journey into the depths of truly abyssmal customer service. Telstra and Bigpond - Arses and elbows. (At least I can tell them apart). I've only been here a few weeks and already started a new 'Shit List'. And these two companies are joint first.